Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The 10 rules of owning a dog

Are you thinking about getting a dog? Do you currently own a dog, live in a big city, and just need a laugh this morning? Then, by all means, read on.

I've lived in the city for over a year now (which also means I've been an #sapro for over a year now!), and I've had my dog for almost 4 years. I'm by no means the dog whisperer (if I was, would my dog eat video game cases and Big Red gum? Probably not,) but I have quite a wealth of experience on dogs. Half of this stems from walking the dog, the other from living with the dog... This is what I've learned, from that experience:

1. As a dog owner, you are not allowed to introduce yourself to other dog owners, only your dog. (ex: This is Ellie.)
2. After you've introduced your dog, you have to talk about the dog in third person (ex: Ellie did this last night.)
3. When someone says "Oh, your dog is SO SO cute," the appropriate follow-up response is "Thank you, yours is SO adorable." If, like me, you fail to recognize the adorable-ness of their dog, an awkward silence will ensue, leaving the two humans to stare at each others feet while the dogs make out.
4. ALWAYS REMEMBER: People who don't own dogs, but walk at 6:00 in the morning like you do, know more about dogs than you do. If you don't remember this, you may end up in an argument about how to train your dog on the corner of Estes & Sheridan at 6:30, and risk being late for work.
5. When you walk your dog, you will always have to explain something. (ex: I have a Gentle Leader and everyone thinks its a muzzle. Nope, my 40 pound dog just can pull my arm out of it's socket and at 6:00 in the morning, I'm not interested in that.)
6. You have to be willing to get up at ALL hours of the night for your dog; if you are not willing to do this, other dog owners will probably judge you. (ex: Ellie gets up at 3 am - so do humans. Ellie has a lot of energy, so humans get up at 5:45 to walk her, hoping she'll stop eating afore mentioned video games and Big Red gum.)
7. You will spend more money on your dog than you will spend on yourself. Dog toys, especially for a dog who can destroy anything, are more expensive than some toys for children, and you probably need to buy them 10x as often.
8. Your dog will most likely end up taking over your life, especially if you don't have children. (Ex: I can't come to your wedding because I can't find a) friends to stay with b) a dog-friendly hotel or c) anyone to dog-sit. Note: this excuse does not work with children.)
9. MYTH BUSTER: Getting a dog is NOT comparable to having a child, for many reasons. a) You don't give birth to it. b) Feeding it is a LOT easier. c) You can't leave a child at home, all alone, all day. and d) You have to care for it for the rest of it's life - there never comes a point where the dog can feed itself, take itself out, or clean up after itself.
10. You should love your dog, unconditionally, no matter what. If you aren't prepared for that, maybe now is NOT the best time to get a dog. I still love my dog, regardless of what she has eaten, and the countless times she has injured herself (even by just walking)...and I'm still (4 years later) trying to figure out how to make her stop chewing everything in sight.

My dog is a chewer, and very accident-prone, yes, but...isn't she cute?

1 comments:

Barb said...

SOO Cute! She's always welcome to visit us, I wish we could take her every time you need a sitter! :)

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I'd love to hear what you think!

The 10 rules of owning a dog

| Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Are you thinking about getting a dog? Do you currently own a dog, live in a big city, and just need a laugh this morning? Then, by all means, read on.

I've lived in the city for over a year now (which also means I've been an #sapro for over a year now!), and I've had my dog for almost 4 years. I'm by no means the dog whisperer (if I was, would my dog eat video game cases and Big Red gum? Probably not,) but I have quite a wealth of experience on dogs. Half of this stems from walking the dog, the other from living with the dog... This is what I've learned, from that experience:

1. As a dog owner, you are not allowed to introduce yourself to other dog owners, only your dog. (ex: This is Ellie.)
2. After you've introduced your dog, you have to talk about the dog in third person (ex: Ellie did this last night.)
3. When someone says "Oh, your dog is SO SO cute," the appropriate follow-up response is "Thank you, yours is SO adorable." If, like me, you fail to recognize the adorable-ness of their dog, an awkward silence will ensue, leaving the two humans to stare at each others feet while the dogs make out.
4. ALWAYS REMEMBER: People who don't own dogs, but walk at 6:00 in the morning like you do, know more about dogs than you do. If you don't remember this, you may end up in an argument about how to train your dog on the corner of Estes & Sheridan at 6:30, and risk being late for work.
5. When you walk your dog, you will always have to explain something. (ex: I have a Gentle Leader and everyone thinks its a muzzle. Nope, my 40 pound dog just can pull my arm out of it's socket and at 6:00 in the morning, I'm not interested in that.)
6. You have to be willing to get up at ALL hours of the night for your dog; if you are not willing to do this, other dog owners will probably judge you. (ex: Ellie gets up at 3 am - so do humans. Ellie has a lot of energy, so humans get up at 5:45 to walk her, hoping she'll stop eating afore mentioned video games and Big Red gum.)
7. You will spend more money on your dog than you will spend on yourself. Dog toys, especially for a dog who can destroy anything, are more expensive than some toys for children, and you probably need to buy them 10x as often.
8. Your dog will most likely end up taking over your life, especially if you don't have children. (Ex: I can't come to your wedding because I can't find a) friends to stay with b) a dog-friendly hotel or c) anyone to dog-sit. Note: this excuse does not work with children.)
9. MYTH BUSTER: Getting a dog is NOT comparable to having a child, for many reasons. a) You don't give birth to it. b) Feeding it is a LOT easier. c) You can't leave a child at home, all alone, all day. and d) You have to care for it for the rest of it's life - there never comes a point where the dog can feed itself, take itself out, or clean up after itself.
10. You should love your dog, unconditionally, no matter what. If you aren't prepared for that, maybe now is NOT the best time to get a dog. I still love my dog, regardless of what she has eaten, and the countless times she has injured herself (even by just walking)...and I'm still (4 years later) trying to figure out how to make her stop chewing everything in sight.

My dog is a chewer, and very accident-prone, yes, but...isn't she cute?

1 comments:

{ Barb } at: August 24, 2011 at 8:18 AM said...

SOO Cute! She's always welcome to visit us, I wish we could take her every time you need a sitter! :)

Post a Comment

I'd love to hear what you think!

 

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